Mama-Grandmother

June 13th...5 years since my grandmother passed away. I needed to express and stress about how important she was in my life. I loved her like no other...but here we go:
And everyday it hurts to cry.
So much has happened in my life,
I’m not sure how hard to try.
Tears are falling constantly,
My heart hurts.
I feel your presence near.
I will hold you close in memory,
Till I drop my very last tear.
And although this pain is painful,
And I really don’t wanna let you go.
I’ll wait for death to take me mama,
So we can be together one day.

Until that day I’ll close my eyes,
and see your smiling face.
I’ll lock you up inside me heart,
Until we again embrace.

I miss you dearly Mama there’s nothing more to say

Bundle of thoughts...Islam and my life

Asalamu alaikum everybody! Before I start writing this post I would like to mention that in no way whatsoever am I trying to say i'm a perfect Muslim. I am far far from that...These are just some thoughtsAs I've started growing up I've starting going through a spiritual journey...a journey in which I will not be able to explain to you all to the fullest. My spiritual journey consists of who I am becoming and how i'm starting to feel closer to Allah (SWT).During the last couple of months i have faced hardships...hardships which have been kept within me how I learned to tackle it? one simple word with a meaning larger than the universe....ISLAM. 

To me Islam is the key to all these locked doors. During these last couple of months I have been looking more and more into Islam and found answers which no family member or friend has been able to give me. I'm not just talking about advice on what to do and whether it's right or wrong, I'm talking about something with a much deeper meaning. Islam and the Quran have softened my heart.Growing up in an Islamic household, I was brought up learning about my religion from a young age. My parents taught me how to pray and read Quran. They taught me the importance of prayer and the sunnah. They taught me right from wrong. But I was never really interested in deeply looking into these meanings..the meanings of these beautiful words of Allah written in the beautiful Arabic language until I started this journey.

The Quran to me personally is not only a guide to life but a heart softener. I started reading the Quran and exploring it more. When something good happens I have learnt to thank Allah and reading Quran seems to help me hold onto that happiness. When something bad happens..you know what still alhamdulilah you know why? because I've learnt gradually that Allah knows best. Then what? I go to read Quran for sabr (Patience).Patience in everything I do is needed. I'm a person who will give up as soon as a face a struggle so I panic whether in education or out of education. Controlling my anger has given me patience and only since I started asking Allah for guidence in prayers I feel as if my prayers have been answered. Never will I ever underestimate the power of Dua again. When it truly comes from the heart Allah will always answer your call no matter what. After all he is As-Sami (السميع) The Hearer of Alla and Al-Karim (الكريم) The Generous SO never miss out on what Islam has to offer. 

Rasulullah (SAW) said, “Shall I tell you who are the best among you? The best of you are those who when seen are a means of Allah being brought to mind.” Al-Tirmidhi

I know I slack but now I realise when I slack I have a feeling of regret and try to repent. Many people don't see the change in me but inshallah thats the next step. To clean up my actions. Subhanallah in the hadith above I have interpreted it as being seen as a Muslim...not only a Muslim, but a Mu'min.We all face daily struggles but those who are smart will seek help from Islam. The key to these closed doors. Islam is a way of life and without our prayers what do we expect to achieve? Sometimes I remind myself that I may be getting everything in this life but what is waiting for me in the life after death? For this reason I am trying to find who I am and clear my soul. 

Yesterday I saw a picture....A message was engraved on a grave stone it read:
"Ya waqif 3inda Qabri La teta3ajeb min amriBel emsa konto mithlek Wa ghaden takoono mithli"

This translates to:
"You who is standing beside my graveDon't be surprised with my situation Only yesterday I was like youAnd tomorrow you will be like me"

This made me think long and hard. I need to stop wasting so much time on pointless things and seek knowledge, repent to Allah and try and earn more good deeds.I have a bundle of thoughts in my head everything so mixed up but this is surely a sign that I am improving and I hope Allah makes all your journey's less difficult and may Allah guide us all to the right path. Ameen

"Do whatever you want" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2Eq3ztYjUI

Long time no post lol! ok so a couple of days ago I watched a very inspiring YouTube video called "Do whatever you want" By @AmeenOutspoken on twitter and it made me think about the future choices I made and how to get past it by changing my mentality. In my opinion many of us face daily problems which we don't know how to solve whether its minor or major, but one thing im personally facing at the moment is motivation or encouragement to do well in school and also to start thinking about future careers. You may be thinking what has that got to do with the post title but you will see.
My parents have very high expectations as do all other parents but i failed to see that i may not be able to reach them all so for the last two years I have been going along with it thinking its all going to be a dilly dally future until a couple of months ago when it hit me that I don't want to be a doctor like my parents and my whole family want me to be, I looked into my interests and realized that being a doctor is not for me but now i'm in a dilemma. What do I do? do I go on with studying towards being a doctor? should I tell my parents that is not the career I want to take on? Because as an individual I know that doing something that i don't want to do will never end well and I think that you should only take on a career that you will enjoy studying towards and putting a lot of time and effort towards so to me studying medicine isn't worth that.
After watching Ameen's video ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2Eq3ztYjUI ) I realized that I have to make these decisions because it's my future.
There are many reasons as to why it is important to change our mentality the main reason being that it is important for ourselves to progress and to get things done. Another reason is that is this the mentality we want the future generation to have? To me our current generation is not as up to scratch as the previous ones and I have realized that the levels of motivation (to do anything) has dropped from what I have been told.So it is important to change our mentality for the best for ourselves and for the future generations.
The point is do whatever you want to do whether it is for education,careers,religion, travelling or whatever it is your choice and yours only.Don't let people make these decisions for you because in the end you know yourself best and although people will be able to give you advice it may not always work.Also the environment you're in can make things harder to do but when you put your mind to something it is always possible. 
All these points were from the video and I totally agree with it so Jazakallahu khair to @AmeenOutspoken on twitter and check out his videos:
http://www.youtube.com/user/bezeftv

 

My best friend....she no longer exists in this world

Siham you were that girl who’s hair flaired in the wind while we ran down the dusty roads in Algeria…remember those ice creams that hisham rammed down our throats. Remember the swing we made on the roof top that we used to create stories and imaginative plays on….remember when we had an argument and you left me a 4 paged letter to say sorry….remember all the beach days we had and do you remember playing crazy chase with the boys in the woods?
I remember this all and much more..do you remember me? You left me and all your loved ones you left this ugly life for me to handle alone…we were bestfriends and we had our charm while racing down Ali’s farm.
Sometimes i break down knowing you were the only one who knew all about me my story my life my cells my heart…you were that ginger algerian girl who was my orange now I’m left with only the rotton fruit in the bowl.
I know that sometimes things are meant to be...but i really thought you were that sister to me. I can't get over the fact that you're gone.
And since i lost you I've realized that you were a precious gem nothing like an ugly stem your beauty shone brighter than as diamond....you had the personality that we all adored you had that heart so big that it touched the clouds. But where are you now when the clouds have become all grey remember the last time i saw you in May.
We used to walk like a pair if only we were closer i would go around and say hey my best friend is a poser.
You never left me alone not once not twice not even when i ate all the rice.
Listen forever i will represent the girl that you were never looked bad in faux fur you had that smile of the century don't mention me.
I gotta let it all out tell them all you had the winning pout because i know that no one will ever say "siham you aint getting your way"
I miss you siham…i hope you still remember.
Best friends forever.

This year i turned to Allah

Lately there have been a lot of stuff that have occurred in my life. Things that i have found difficult to cope with and things that have made me jump from joy. But one thing that has made things a lot more difficult is that i ignored my emotions thinking thats the way to go forward. The deaths of my loved ones have affected me greatly this year. Its always a struggle that i have had to cope with growing up but never did i realize that there are solutions...and one of the biggest ways that helped me cope has been Islam.
This year i turned to Allah for the strength and patience i needed and alhamdulilah i got that.

I realized that although i wasn't the person who would speak their heart out , i could to Allah. I asked for forgiveness and for patience, for knowledge and for good health and of course the right path.

I didn't just turn to Allah when i had problems, i thank him for every smile that appears on my face. I thank him for every drop of water i have used . I thank him for all the good and bad aspects of my life because everything happens for a reason And he is the all knowing.

We all need to stop and realize what a blessing our lives actually are and how blessed we are for the good health and easy access to everything we need.
We must not forget all the innocent people dying from hunger.
We must not forget all the innocent people dying from the struggles

As well as turning to Allah for ourselves turn to Allah for the sake of others and pray for the ummah

Please don't underestimate the beauty of the quran it truly softens your heart as it did to mine

May Allah increase us in knowledge and in Faith and strengthen the Muslim ummah of today.
Ameen

I can't be 100% me in todays society

Recently i've been hearing a lot of people saying "she needs to be herself and stop being fake" but i thought about it and think that there is no way someone can be the true person they are. Now i'm not suggesting that everyone is a fake , the point i am trying to get to is that each person has a limit of being themselves around others. For example younger people and teenagers can't be who they are around their friends because of the expectations an standards that are placed in our community...there are different stages of "cool" which leads to peer pressure , bullying and things as such. 

But i want to take it into more depth, what i'm trying to say is that you can be yourself around people but you will never express 100% you as you might want to please the people you are around. E.g: being fun and joyful but never expressing your feelings as that may ruin your reputation. This may not be the best example as it could be due to lack of confidence but then again lack of confidence comes from not being able to fit in and being scared of the criticism you could receive.

My main point for this is that after years of me saying to people "just be yourself" i've realized that its not that easy to express who you are. People may not agree with this but there is always 1 (or more) things that people are too scared or nervous to do/say/admitt/ way of acting in front of others. Personally around some people i don't talk about the side of me that is caring and only focus on having a good time...you might ask why? well this is because i know their personalities and it may bore them which may lead to other things such as rumours etc.

So please before telling someone to be themselves remember that there is a lot you don't know about that person and the difficulties they may face especially in our generation. I'm writing this from a teenagers point of view because i am a teenager and this is something that affects many but could also be said to others in other ways.


Thanks for reading, feel free to comment 
Twitter: @Hajerella
Tumblr: hijabionthestreet.tumblr.com

Dont judge a book by its cover

So lately I've been more involved in my school work than social networking and if you know me you would know i have a hint of love for fashion. I got told something that really mind boggled me today..I got told or rather some one said to me:
 "oh you dont seem like the sort of girl who would be smart,educational and into politics" At first I was a bit confused so i went on to ask:
 "why would you say that?" Now to be clear i wasn't angry or offended , I decided to take a look at what she said from a different view she replied:
"Well most girls who are into fashion tend to not enjoy school and flop in their education" I laughed at the comment and continued the conversation as if nothing was ever said.

When I got home I though about this and wondered do people really see people who are into fashion as dumb? I think this is the problem with people of course we all judge but is it really necessary for us to judge someone to that extent? can someone not be both smart and into fashion? In my opinion people have got to change their mentality and try to keep it up to date with this generation. To me it degrades people because there is this whole stereotype that clever people are nerdy and ugly and dumb people are into fashion and beautiful. 
My message for this short rant is dont mix looks with personality and achievements...if you dont know someone dont be too quick to judge as it can probably casue down fall to some peoples confidence.

Just my thoughts
@hajerella - twitter