Bundle of thoughts...Islam and my life

Asalamu alaikum everybody! Before I start writing this post I would like to mention that in no way whatsoever am I trying to say i'm a perfect Muslim. I am far far from that...These are just some thoughtsAs I've started growing up I've starting going through a spiritual journey...a journey in which I will not be able to explain to you all to the fullest. My spiritual journey consists of who I am becoming and how i'm starting to feel closer to Allah (SWT).During the last couple of months i have faced hardships...hardships which have been kept within me how I learned to tackle it? one simple word with a meaning larger than the universe....ISLAM. 

To me Islam is the key to all these locked doors. During these last couple of months I have been looking more and more into Islam and found answers which no family member or friend has been able to give me. I'm not just talking about advice on what to do and whether it's right or wrong, I'm talking about something with a much deeper meaning. Islam and the Quran have softened my heart.Growing up in an Islamic household, I was brought up learning about my religion from a young age. My parents taught me how to pray and read Quran. They taught me the importance of prayer and the sunnah. They taught me right from wrong. But I was never really interested in deeply looking into these meanings..the meanings of these beautiful words of Allah written in the beautiful Arabic language until I started this journey.

The Quran to me personally is not only a guide to life but a heart softener. I started reading the Quran and exploring it more. When something good happens I have learnt to thank Allah and reading Quran seems to help me hold onto that happiness. When something bad happens..you know what still alhamdulilah you know why? because I've learnt gradually that Allah knows best. Then what? I go to read Quran for sabr (Patience).Patience in everything I do is needed. I'm a person who will give up as soon as a face a struggle so I panic whether in education or out of education. Controlling my anger has given me patience and only since I started asking Allah for guidence in prayers I feel as if my prayers have been answered. Never will I ever underestimate the power of Dua again. When it truly comes from the heart Allah will always answer your call no matter what. After all he is As-Sami (السميع) The Hearer of Alla and Al-Karim (الكريم) The Generous SO never miss out on what Islam has to offer. 

Rasulullah (SAW) said, “Shall I tell you who are the best among you? The best of you are those who when seen are a means of Allah being brought to mind.” Al-Tirmidhi

I know I slack but now I realise when I slack I have a feeling of regret and try to repent. Many people don't see the change in me but inshallah thats the next step. To clean up my actions. Subhanallah in the hadith above I have interpreted it as being seen as a Muslim...not only a Muslim, but a Mu'min.We all face daily struggles but those who are smart will seek help from Islam. The key to these closed doors. Islam is a way of life and without our prayers what do we expect to achieve? Sometimes I remind myself that I may be getting everything in this life but what is waiting for me in the life after death? For this reason I am trying to find who I am and clear my soul. 

Yesterday I saw a picture....A message was engraved on a grave stone it read:
"Ya waqif 3inda Qabri La teta3ajeb min amriBel emsa konto mithlek Wa ghaden takoono mithli"

This translates to:
"You who is standing beside my graveDon't be surprised with my situation Only yesterday I was like youAnd tomorrow you will be like me"

This made me think long and hard. I need to stop wasting so much time on pointless things and seek knowledge, repent to Allah and try and earn more good deeds.I have a bundle of thoughts in my head everything so mixed up but this is surely a sign that I am improving and I hope Allah makes all your journey's less difficult and may Allah guide us all to the right path. Ameen