Mama-Grandmother

June 13th...5 years since my grandmother passed away. I needed to express and stress about how important she was in my life. I loved her like no other...but here we go:
And everyday it hurts to cry.
So much has happened in my life,
I’m not sure how hard to try.
Tears are falling constantly,
My heart hurts.
I feel your presence near.
I will hold you close in memory,
Till I drop my very last tear.
And although this pain is painful,
And I really don’t wanna let you go.
I’ll wait for death to take me mama,
So we can be together one day.

Until that day I’ll close my eyes,
and see your smiling face.
I’ll lock you up inside me heart,
Until we again embrace.

I miss you dearly Mama there’s nothing more to say

Bundle of thoughts...Islam and my life

Asalamu alaikum everybody! Before I start writing this post I would like to mention that in no way whatsoever am I trying to say i'm a perfect Muslim. I am far far from that...These are just some thoughtsAs I've started growing up I've starting going through a spiritual journey...a journey in which I will not be able to explain to you all to the fullest. My spiritual journey consists of who I am becoming and how i'm starting to feel closer to Allah (SWT).During the last couple of months i have faced hardships...hardships which have been kept within me how I learned to tackle it? one simple word with a meaning larger than the universe....ISLAM. 

To me Islam is the key to all these locked doors. During these last couple of months I have been looking more and more into Islam and found answers which no family member or friend has been able to give me. I'm not just talking about advice on what to do and whether it's right or wrong, I'm talking about something with a much deeper meaning. Islam and the Quran have softened my heart.Growing up in an Islamic household, I was brought up learning about my religion from a young age. My parents taught me how to pray and read Quran. They taught me the importance of prayer and the sunnah. They taught me right from wrong. But I was never really interested in deeply looking into these meanings..the meanings of these beautiful words of Allah written in the beautiful Arabic language until I started this journey.

The Quran to me personally is not only a guide to life but a heart softener. I started reading the Quran and exploring it more. When something good happens I have learnt to thank Allah and reading Quran seems to help me hold onto that happiness. When something bad happens..you know what still alhamdulilah you know why? because I've learnt gradually that Allah knows best. Then what? I go to read Quran for sabr (Patience).Patience in everything I do is needed. I'm a person who will give up as soon as a face a struggle so I panic whether in education or out of education. Controlling my anger has given me patience and only since I started asking Allah for guidence in prayers I feel as if my prayers have been answered. Never will I ever underestimate the power of Dua again. When it truly comes from the heart Allah will always answer your call no matter what. After all he is As-Sami (السميع) The Hearer of Alla and Al-Karim (الكريم) The Generous SO never miss out on what Islam has to offer. 

Rasulullah (SAW) said, “Shall I tell you who are the best among you? The best of you are those who when seen are a means of Allah being brought to mind.” Al-Tirmidhi

I know I slack but now I realise when I slack I have a feeling of regret and try to repent. Many people don't see the change in me but inshallah thats the next step. To clean up my actions. Subhanallah in the hadith above I have interpreted it as being seen as a Muslim...not only a Muslim, but a Mu'min.We all face daily struggles but those who are smart will seek help from Islam. The key to these closed doors. Islam is a way of life and without our prayers what do we expect to achieve? Sometimes I remind myself that I may be getting everything in this life but what is waiting for me in the life after death? For this reason I am trying to find who I am and clear my soul. 

Yesterday I saw a picture....A message was engraved on a grave stone it read:
"Ya waqif 3inda Qabri La teta3ajeb min amriBel emsa konto mithlek Wa ghaden takoono mithli"

This translates to:
"You who is standing beside my graveDon't be surprised with my situation Only yesterday I was like youAnd tomorrow you will be like me"

This made me think long and hard. I need to stop wasting so much time on pointless things and seek knowledge, repent to Allah and try and earn more good deeds.I have a bundle of thoughts in my head everything so mixed up but this is surely a sign that I am improving and I hope Allah makes all your journey's less difficult and may Allah guide us all to the right path. Ameen

"Do whatever you want" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2Eq3ztYjUI

Long time no post lol! ok so a couple of days ago I watched a very inspiring YouTube video called "Do whatever you want" By @AmeenOutspoken on twitter and it made me think about the future choices I made and how to get past it by changing my mentality. In my opinion many of us face daily problems which we don't know how to solve whether its minor or major, but one thing im personally facing at the moment is motivation or encouragement to do well in school and also to start thinking about future careers. You may be thinking what has that got to do with the post title but you will see.
My parents have very high expectations as do all other parents but i failed to see that i may not be able to reach them all so for the last two years I have been going along with it thinking its all going to be a dilly dally future until a couple of months ago when it hit me that I don't want to be a doctor like my parents and my whole family want me to be, I looked into my interests and realized that being a doctor is not for me but now i'm in a dilemma. What do I do? do I go on with studying towards being a doctor? should I tell my parents that is not the career I want to take on? Because as an individual I know that doing something that i don't want to do will never end well and I think that you should only take on a career that you will enjoy studying towards and putting a lot of time and effort towards so to me studying medicine isn't worth that.
After watching Ameen's video ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2Eq3ztYjUI ) I realized that I have to make these decisions because it's my future.
There are many reasons as to why it is important to change our mentality the main reason being that it is important for ourselves to progress and to get things done. Another reason is that is this the mentality we want the future generation to have? To me our current generation is not as up to scratch as the previous ones and I have realized that the levels of motivation (to do anything) has dropped from what I have been told.So it is important to change our mentality for the best for ourselves and for the future generations.
The point is do whatever you want to do whether it is for education,careers,religion, travelling or whatever it is your choice and yours only.Don't let people make these decisions for you because in the end you know yourself best and although people will be able to give you advice it may not always work.Also the environment you're in can make things harder to do but when you put your mind to something it is always possible. 
All these points were from the video and I totally agree with it so Jazakallahu khair to @AmeenOutspoken on twitter and check out his videos:
http://www.youtube.com/user/bezeftv

 

My best friend....she no longer exists in this world

Siham you were that girl who’s hair flaired in the wind while we ran down the dusty roads in Algeria…remember those ice creams that hisham rammed down our throats. Remember the swing we made on the roof top that we used to create stories and imaginative plays on….remember when we had an argument and you left me a 4 paged letter to say sorry….remember all the beach days we had and do you remember playing crazy chase with the boys in the woods?
I remember this all and much more..do you remember me? You left me and all your loved ones you left this ugly life for me to handle alone…we were bestfriends and we had our charm while racing down Ali’s farm.
Sometimes i break down knowing you were the only one who knew all about me my story my life my cells my heart…you were that ginger algerian girl who was my orange now I’m left with only the rotton fruit in the bowl.
I know that sometimes things are meant to be...but i really thought you were that sister to me. I can't get over the fact that you're gone.
And since i lost you I've realized that you were a precious gem nothing like an ugly stem your beauty shone brighter than as diamond....you had the personality that we all adored you had that heart so big that it touched the clouds. But where are you now when the clouds have become all grey remember the last time i saw you in May.
We used to walk like a pair if only we were closer i would go around and say hey my best friend is a poser.
You never left me alone not once not twice not even when i ate all the rice.
Listen forever i will represent the girl that you were never looked bad in faux fur you had that smile of the century don't mention me.
I gotta let it all out tell them all you had the winning pout because i know that no one will ever say "siham you aint getting your way"
I miss you siham…i hope you still remember.
Best friends forever.